Having recently moved house, I had the great privilege of spending time with the ‘Founder and CEO’ of the Welcoming Committee of the local Restaurant Quarter – read, neighbour noticing my recent arrival asking my out on a ‘let me show you around the area’ date. I humored him and surprisingly he was good company and a perfect gentleman throughout. No, this is not a blow-by-blow of the night’s happenings – that would be in bad taste, wouldn’t it? Rather this is a report of a most distressing piece of information or ‘fact’ as he calls it.
Acknowledging that ‘John’* was good company and seemed open to serious conversation, I took the opportunity to ask the following question that I know has been on the mind of many a single, black female for …well, 19when…
‘In your opinion, what is it about black women that makes white women the preferred choice to so many black men?’
It was his – single, black, 33 yrs old, self-employed, father of 1 – opinion that
- Black women are untrustworthy, in that they will ‘be with’ a man purely for what they can get – the money, the stuff – even though in their heart they know they ‘don’t love him’ and all while cheating on him. He reasons that a white woman would not do that. Why, you ask? Because the mere fact that she is with him indicates that she actually wants to be with the black man, so it’s not about the possibility of accumulating stuff!
- White women end up in relationships with black men because they love their ‘blackness’. That is the primary attraction. The black woman however does not appreciate – in my own words…the magnificence of their man’s blackness – the man and therefore takes him for granted and or treat him badly …and cheats on him with another black man who had more ‘stuff’! He hastens to add that he knows that black men also cheat and that they cannot even trust themselves but still, ‘if the woman doesn’t want them she should just leave them and not play games.
- In an argument, black women will throw ‘anything’ she gets her hands on, she can break every plate in the kitchen just because she’s upset however a white woman would not do that sort of thing!
Suffice to say after having had a good night so far I suddenly felt, not only sad to the brink of tears but sick to the stomach that any black man would categorize the vast majority of black women in this way. After all, I am a black woman – and happily so, but he was not by any stretch of the imagination describing me so obviously I asked if he was joking!
It went downhill from there as he clarified for me that these are the ‘facts’ of how black women behave and that of all his black male friends with black girls, none of the girls are any good!!!!! Immediately I remembered a statement I heard some time ago suggesting that our magnificent black men are attracted to, will happily love and absolutely pursue sleeping with the magnificent black girl but would often prefer the white girl for marriage and family.
…and something got stuck in my throat. I still hasn’t moved.