Love: Color Blind & Ageless?

Love in Color iiI confess, I don’t know what the protocol is so I just snatched these images from FB… all credits to the designer, whoever you are.

I saw this just now and snatched it as they put into words a thought that has been whirling around my mind lately. Having had relationships of all sorts with men across the age spectrum and geographic hemisphere, within Christendom and without, I have come to one conclusion, ‘age is no guarantee of right actions, attitudes nor perspectives’!

Love in Color

Neither is color, race nor ethnicity!

When panning for gold, the only thing that really matters is, ‘Is there a nugget of gold left in the pan?’ It is then up to each of us to determine what size nugget is worth our life-time commitment.

So to panning I go…

Sparks!

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4 Wives

I love this for two reasons:
1. It gives wise counsel &
2. As women, we could aim to be ‘all things’ to our husbands and in return get it all – he publicly professes his love, lavishes me with all things fine and beautiful, confides in me and cherishes my opinions and even have me wait on him hand-and-foot???!

However, when it’s all been said and done, it is my job to nurture my own soul. No-one else can do that for me! It’s the only thing I truly have for all eternity.

So Spark on…

Black, But Lovely 2

Depression and discouragement are not life-giving so here is the follow-up to my previous post.

The most eligible warrior prince of all times…and eternity inspired a book just for ‘dark girls’. It’s called The Song of Solomon! It’s a story of love – leading to marriage between a King and a BLACK girl…she is Dark But Lovely, just like you! It’s about dark girls – however you define darkness – whether physical, mental, spiritual – imperfect, whatever! We are all included in one way or another!

See for yourself – it’s about YOU!

She

How right they are to adore you!

English: Heart shaped shadow cast by a ring on...

Dark am I, yet lovely,
    daughters of Jerusalem,
dark like the tents of Kedar,

    like the tent curtains of Solomon.[c]
Do not stare at me because I am dark,
    because I am darkened by the sun.

My mother’s sons were angry with me
    and made me take care of the vineyards;
    my own vineyard I had to neglect.
Tell me, you whom I love,
    where you graze your flock
    and where you rest your sheep at midday.
Why should I be like a veiled woman
    beside the flocks of your friends?

Friends

If you do not know, most beautiful of women,

    follow the tracks of the sheep
and graze your young goats
    by the tents of the shepherds.

He

I liken you, my darling, to a mare
    among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
    your neck with strings of jewels.
11 We will make you earrings of gold,
    studded with silver.

She

12 While the king was at his table,
    my perfume spread its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    resting between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    from the vineyards of En Gedi.

He

15 How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful!
    Your eyes are doves.

The Song 1:5-5, The Message Bible

Besides, let us not be conformed to this world, but rather, let us make the choice to be transformed by the renewing of our minds in order that we may prove that which is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God – after all, it was His desire to design such a rainbow-coloured humanity.

I am dark, but lovely.

DivineSpark!

Black, But Lovely

Having recently moved house, I had the great privilege of spending time with the ‘Founder and CEO’ of the Welcoming Committee of the local Restaurant Quarter – read, neighbour noticing my recent arrival asking my out on a ‘let me show you around the area’ date. I humored him and surprisingly he was good company and a perfect gentleman throughout. No, this is not a blow-by-blow of the night’s happenings – that would be in bad taste, wouldn’t it? Rather this is a report of a most distressing piece of information or ‘fact’ as he calls it.

Acknowledging that ‘John’* was good company and seemed open to serious conversation, I took the opportunity to ask the following question that I know has been on the mind of many a single, black female for …well, 19when…

English: Black and white icon of a question mark.

‘In your opinion, what is it about black women that makes white women the preferred choice to so many black men?’

 

The Answer?

 

It was his – single, black, 33 yrs old, self-employed, father of 1 – opinion that

 

  • Black women are untrustworthy, in that they will ‘be with’ a man purely for what they can get – the money, the stuff – even though in their heart they know they ‘don’t love him’ and all while cheating on him. He reasons that a white woman would not do that. Why, you ask? Because the mere fact that she is with him indicates that she actually wants to be with the black man, so it’s not about the possibility of accumulating stuff!
  • White women end up in relationships with black men because they love their ‘blackness’. That is the primary attraction. The black woman however does not appreciate – in my own words…the magnificence of their man’s blackness – the man and therefore takes him for granted and or treat him badly …and cheats on him with another black man who had more ‘stuff’! He hastens to add that he knows that black men also cheat and that they cannot even trust themselves but still, ‘if the woman doesn’t want them she should just leave them and not play games.
  • In an argument, black women will throw ‘anything’ she gets her hands on, she can break every plate in the kitchen just because she’s upset however a white woman would not do that sort of thing!

 

Suffice to say after having had a good night so far I suddenly felt, not only sad to the brink of tears but sick to the stomach that any black man would categorize the vast majority of black women in this way. After all, I am a black woman – and happily so, but he was not by any stretch of the imagination describing me so obviously I asked if he was joking!

 

It went downhill from there as he clarified for me that these are the ‘facts’ of how black women behave and that of all his black male friends with black girls, none of the girls are any good!!!!! Immediately I remembered a statement I heard some time ago suggesting that our magnificent black men are attracted to, will happily love and absolutely pursue sleeping with the magnificent black girl but would often prefer the white girl for marriage and family.

 

…and something got stuck in my throat. I still hasn’t moved.

What Men Want

The now fabulous ‘Reality Expert‘ says ‘Men want women to be nurturing, supportive and gentle’.

“Ladies we get it…you are more than capable of making your own money, running your own businesses, making your own decisions, and negotiating your own deals. That’s not the question…the question becomes do you really WANT to have to pay your own bills, cut your own grass, take out your own trash and fight all your own fights? If your answer to that question is “yes” then more power to you, but I’m more than willing to bet that most women would not mind having a partner to help share the load with. ….Maybe it’s time men chose we before me and women chose family over feminism!” Blog post, I am Feminist Hear Me Roar

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

When I read the above paragraph from the post I immediately knew where I stood but I couldn’t help but wonder ‘which woman, under what circumstances would rather be woman-all-BY-herself? But then, we all have the potential to be the result of our individual or collective experiences and unfortunately, sometimes that ‘result’ is merely a reaction to a negative rather than a CHOICE. But that’s a talk for another day. Today, I would rather clarify my own position.

So here goes.

As an unattached female, I am certainly capable of making my own money, setting up and running my own business and doing all – and more – mentioned above. I am also wise enough to acknowledge and joyfully embrace my Designer Desires – the desire to share my life in its entirety, from the uttermost to the innermost with another is wired into my DNA. It’s a designer thing! And regardless what anyone says, every living, breathing human being has a Designer Desire because we were all designed to receive love from God and to give love to God. This insatiable hunger finds its manifestation in humanity is various ways – our desire for intimacy, for sex or for some other ‘fulfilment’ – some have tried more shoes, more branded items, faster cars, more money, bigger, better, more. But the hunger is insatiable if God is not the number one choice.

Having said all that, I put my hand up and openly confess that I want to me married – not because I need him to pay the bills or cut the lawn..but please honey, do cut the lawn… but more importantly, I want to share my life with someone, who loves God and who desires above all things to hear God say ‘well done!’ I want to be intimately involved in helping him become all that God designed him to be and for him to willing be that for me. I want to be vulnerable and naked – yet unashamed – to be challenged and buffed and polished. I want to be iron rubbing up against iron. I want to face the challenges of life with someone who is one with me. I want to be there with him in every and any situation, good, bad or ugly – to stand as one in the face of whatever storm we need to face.

So I’m content to be seen as a disappointment in the eyes of the ‘feminist’. I can live with that because beyond individuality, there is the higher call to unity. Singleness has however taught me to see how easily our unfulfilled need for partnership can force us to become hardened, firm, determined, self-reliant and self-preserving. It is therefore understandable how when a man suddenly darkens her doorway her firmly established battlement and highly developed self-protecting instincts often result in the clash of thunder and lightning of the feminist’s strength – and no date, no marriage and continued need of self-reliance!

No! Not for me. I will happily wear the trousers when I need to set up and run my businesses and the like but I have every intention to leave my trousers at the door when I come home. I have no desire to be KING in my home – it’s hard enough just being woman!

Sparks!

Words Create

English: Think you already knew the old saying...

English: Think you already knew the old saying: “A picture is worth a thousand words?” Think again. Let’s ask Andy and see what he says… What’s your explanation? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What if you were told that your words had creative power and that they had far greater impact in your life than you thought?

What if you had the power in your mouth to determine or at the very least contribute to the outcome of your life?

What if by simply exercising a little self-discipline you could empower yourself and become more positive in the process? Would you?

“Do you know anybody, maybe even yourself, who loves to use phrases like: “This only happens to me”, “Life’s a b*tch“, “I caaaaaaaaan’t!”, “Never!”, “I just can’t win”, “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t”.

The biggest problem with these phrases is not that they are negative or self centered, it’s that they stop you from taking action. Phrases like this paralyze us and fool us into thinking that we have no power and no choice. Which is nonsense.

What if our words always made us and who ever we are talking to feel inspired, empowered and re-energized?

I’ve created a list of some of the top five words and phrases you might want to delete from your vocabulary. I also included some replacements!

1. I can’t

You’re right! If you say you can’t, it’s over. Just that simple. The door is closed and locked. However, maybe you’re right. Maybe at this moment you can’t run 3 miles at once, maybe you can’t complete the project in 3 hours, maybe you can’t immediately forgive someone. With that said, you must learn to. I must learn, I will learn, I’m preparing myself to...is a much more empowering phrase that will propel you to take action, take risks and grow.”

Read the entire post by the fabulous Jeff Moore at My Everyday Power Blog

Related Stuff
As A Man Thinketh Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, so what’s in your heart? Are you thinking right?

…and click this one, it’s a must get!

Divinesparks x

Relationship Laws

“If you have endured broken relationships and are in the process of becoming whole, it is very important to realize that you must have boundaries in which to live by in order to maintain the wholeness that you have received.  The Relationship Laws for Ladies Who Love God are specific, detailed confessions that help capture the essence of your newfound personal wholeness and how to go about maintaining it.  These “Laws” are intended to help you discern your motives for being in particular relationship, whether or not that relationship is

Captivated by the hidden beauty of the bride...

Captivated by the hidden beauty of the bride… (Photo credit: Hafsa Nabeel)

consistent with your godly values, and most importantly, whether or not a relationship would enhance your wholeness or cause further brokenness.

1. I am rooted, grounded, fixed and founded in the Love of God, not a position, title, having “Mrs.” in front of my name, not money, my looks, being cute, being smart or being seen.

2. I respect myself enough to lay boundaries in all relationships personally and professionally.

…  Read more at Whole Magazine by Maria Breeden”  The Fulltime Girl (proper crediting for a great article)

Related Stuff
Be Captivating by Setting Boundaries This book by the fabulous John & Stasi is fascinating and well worth the investment and time to acquire, read and digest. It will re-inforce your sense of self and will help the male reader to understand the very heart of ‘every’ woman. It will definitely help women understand their own yearnings and enable successful boundary setting. Suggesting? Read the rest of the article then get Captivating.

Sparks!

The Hope of Beauty

The lovely Colette Toach sent this message to my inbox today so I thought I would share it you with.

A newly formed rose bud is tender and it takes time for it to open. If you had to force it, you would damage its precious petals and the beauty of the flower would be lost. So also is my plan like this bud. Do not rush it, but wait for it to open before you. For you cannot force what only I can do.

A red rosebud, probably from the rose bush L.D...

A red rosebud, probably from the rose bush L.D. Braithwaite. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

All you can do is wait and to watch as I unfold the impossible before you. For it is a miracle of nature. It is a miracle to see such a small bud suddenly open to reveal a full rose with its fragrance diffusing everywhere. In the same way good things wait for you my child. However, if you rush ahead without me, you will force my will and lose out on the full beauty that I have for you.

Allow me to open the doors my child. Wait for me to bring the opportunities to you. As you do this, when the season is right, the bud will open and you will rejoice and be grateful for the wait. Look forward then to the season ahead. Look forward to the good things that await. For that is also the blessing of the rose bud. It carries a hope of beauty. So know that there is a hope of beauty for you too my child.

The help is coming. My will shall unfold. The beauty for ashes will be yours. Only do not rush it. Do not rush my will and my blessing for you. Allow it to unfold naturally and as it does, it will bring a deep and satisfying joy into your life. Your hope of beauty awaits child. Now wait and see the goodness I have for you.

Holy Things

He turned over the plans for everything that God’s Spirit had brought to his mind: the design of the courtyards, the arrangements of rooms, and the closets for storing all the holy things. The Message Bible, 1 Chronicles 28:12

This is a journey I have embarked on with my faith anchored in the hope of sharing my life with someone, a suitable counterpart for me but in all I do I must remember this

SimplyHoly

It is God who sets for me great borders

And puts great passions in my heart –

It is He who knows His plans for me

He created my inner parts –

He knows my todays and all my tomorrows

And I must trust He knows what’s best –

So as I take each hopeful step

I must to Him  my plans subject.

So in planning and strategizing and doing all the wonderful things we must do, can do or should do …determining the design of the courtyards, the arrangements of rooms, and the closets for storing…all so we can get what we want, let us remember we are in fact first and foremost, holy things – His Temple!

‘Dating with Passion’ by Rob Eagar will challenge, correct and re-align your thinking as you plan your pursuit of marriage. It will help you ‘design the courtyards’ while emphasizing the main thing, You Are Holy Things! Then learn as much as you can about setting boundaries from ‘Boundaries in Dating’ by Dr. Henry Cloud  and Dr. John Townsend. Check them out here…Never, never forget, you are a Holy Thing!

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xx

While-You-Wait: Laugh!

On the journey, expect to hear all of the following comments and ‘words of encouragement’ spoken outright or implied.

So Note to Self: Learn to laugh…while you wait!

While We Wait

We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but GOD’s purpose prevails.                            The Message Bible, Pro 19:21

We live in a microwave world, a ‘everything when I need it’ world. Gone are the days when we would save up some money to buy that ‘hot’ coat we see in the shop window. Now, we just reach for the credit card and pay later!

Sadly the societal mindset in the 21st century is increasingly that we should be able to get everything we want when we want just because…well, we want it! On this life journey however we all, and especially those who are single, must stay fully aware that there is still life in spite of singleness… I know, shocking!…and that while we wait for the gift there is much work to be done.

So, here’s the ‘To Do’:

  • Look for ways to be productive whether through volunteering in your community or church;
  • Be ready and available to take those God appointments, you know the kind…you just happen to be in the right place at the right time to see someone in need and you happen to be in a position to give a word of encouragement or offer some other kind of support, yeah those, look out for them;
  • Take time to advance your education or develop new…or old skills;
  • Determine to give of yourself to others – it will help keep your mind off yourself and expand your network of  acquaintances and even build new friendships;
  • Choose to become the best person you can be by paying close attention to who God says you are, what passions He has placed in your heart and what problems He has given you the solutions for and
  • Finally, set your heart and mind to learn from Jesus and pray always, in good times and not-so-good times.

When its all said and done, it is God’s plans and purposes that will prevail so keep the main thing the main thing!

DivineSparks!

While-you-wait

While you wait, you might like this fabulous book by Emily Stimpsom titled ‘The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting on Mr. Right’…I know, it’s a long title but check it out here…//
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Destiny

Destiny is not a place

A time nor a destination

Destiny is a journey

A series of seemingly unrelated events

Bruised knees, cracked bones,

Bloody knuckles & oceans of tears

Laughter untapped & challenges small & great

Destiny is made of all these

Destiny is a journey

Into love gained & lost

Being vulnerable & naked

Being tested & tried

Its winning & losing

Stopping & starting

Its sprints & marathons and races without end

Destiny is made of all these things

So who will I be when it’s all said & done

Will my heart be embittered by failure and pain?

Will I still smile in spite of things not going my way?

How will I respond when challenges come?

As I know they must –

If I get rain instead this week and

If I never gain the things I think I need

Who would I be then when its all been said?

If I never get a chance to sing my song

Or dance to my own melodic drums

Will I still have love & laughter deep in my heart?

I’ve spent my whole life wanting…no longing

For truth, for purpose, for destiny

But destiny is a journey

So I must travel well.

(c) 2010

Priceless

 GOD put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh.  GOD then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man. The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The Message Bible, Gen 2:21-24

 

Adam & Eve photo AdamEve.jpg

I can’t seem to find out who created this, but it’s ‘inspired’.

Did God Really Say…? Part 2

Maintaining Faith When Christian and Single

I had such an experience recently…heck, I’m still having it. I’ve been down a path…up a mountain toward my own Mt. Moriah with my eye squarely fixed on ‘happy ever after’. Like Abraham I was sure I heard God say… ! But like most people I know, I thought the destination was the goal, the purpose, the divine intention when in fact, the destination turned out to be the journey itself.

I should probably be upset with God but hey, how can the pot accuse the Potter of faulty design? In fact, I find that I needed this journey up the mountain. It was a time to reflect and question and remember

why I trust God. I needed time to remember the past and consider how far I had come. It was a time to settle, once and for all the question of marital desperation…‘Am I desperate enough to settle?’

wait

wait (Photo credit: CmdrFire)

It was a long a tedious journey which involved many days of wondering, ‘Did God Really Say?’ It included a struggle to remain steadfast in my faith in the God who promised to give bread when we ask for bread, never a stone. But, I have no regrets. I can still stand tall today, plus I now also have a solid awareness of a holy resolution and a new fascination with God that’s burning strong within me. So as I remember the significance of this day…Jesus Christ crucified for me…I draw more grace to close the door…although this is proving a bit of a challenge as there seems to be a foot stuck in the doorway.

I needed to be on this journey, in this place so I could come to this holy resolution within my heart. So I’ll wait!

Sparks!

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Did God Really Say…? Part 1

The Christian Single’s Dilemma

I can see it now, that windy day when Abraham walked toward Mount Moriah to sacrifice his only son there. How he must have argued in his mind. Questioning whether he should believe what he thought he heard You (God) say. Should he trust You or should he grab his son and run?

It occurred to me just now that we tend to assume that Your instructions mean what we think they mean and often we argue that if things do not work out as we expected, then YOU must have changed your mind. But the thought I just had is that Your instruction to Abraham was more a direction rather than a description of his DESTINATION. You were not trying to describe his outcome. All You did was give him a direction  in which to go (due east…Mt. Moriah) and gave him ‘food for thought’ (to sacrifice son) as he went.

Woodcut for "Faith" depicting Abraha...

Woodcut for “Faith” depicting Abraham and Isaac (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The challenge of the moment was not the direction You gave nor was it the ‘food for thought’ in fact, the challenge was the activity that would take place in Abraham’s heart and mind as he made the journey. As he walked toward Mt. Moriah, Abraham argued with himself until he came to a place of resolution. He resolved to obey and to trust the God he had come to know over all those years.

I now feel Lord that it is mankind who assume that Your directions are descriptions of our outcome when in fact they are often just directions. As such we tend to despise the journey and complain, wishing we could skip the journey when in fact it is the journey that is the destination. It is the journey that we should crave as it is that which develops and enlarges our hearts and works in us a holy resolve.

By the time Abraham got to Mt. Moriah, he had already come to a resolution. He had ALREADY reached his destination. The peak of Moriah was arguably ‘beyond‘ the finish line. It was just set there to lure him toward the real destination i.e. the point on the journey where he would reach that holy resolution. It was only a signpost set in place to help keep Abraham going in the right direction so that the true goal could have been achieved.

So yes, God did really say but this does not mean things will work out as I expect. What is important however, is did I make a holy resolution?

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